To go or not to go, that is the question

Been so long since I blogged. The first part was because I was lazy and then later on I became so busy, I couldn't find the time to. But here I am today, trying to pen down the thoughts in my head. So here goes..

I just got my last semester's results about a week ago and guess what... I found out my final year is only worth 15 credits. Compared to my first two years, its so so so much lesser. This was because I had chosen something different from what I have planned. I wanted to go cardiac tech so badly, but I changed my mind in the end because research was new. Something so attractive. I spent 7 months on my ITP, so did my classmates. Never had I expected that my ITP, with 38 credit units will not be included in my GPA. It seems like such a big joke. Shouldn't every semester have the same weightage? Shouldn't my 7 mtg worth of effort be worthy of being included in my GPA? If I had exams and it didn't help in my GPA, I understand. I didn't work hard enough. I can only blame myself on that. But.. its so not what I have expected of my last year in poly, my last result slip. If you saw my photo on instagram, you would have seen the result slip and beside the module code of my ITP, was an asterisk. The deadly icon that signifies my 38 credit to be worth nothing inside the calculation of my GPA.

Applied for my universities and scholarships.. I finally got a call from MOHH to head down for their interview. Excited and nervous... I headed down to their office. I finished the interview and left the place, only to be called back after I reached the ground floor. The panelists told me the course I have chosen does not qualify for their scholarship and asked me to consider taking physiotherapy. I didn't even know the difference between a dietitian and a nutritionist. How could I left out such an important thing. I can only blame myself on this. I was furious. Furious with the fact that things are not going smoothly, things are screwing up and of course so angry and Pissed off with myself. ( that is after I found out how foolish was I to not know the difference)

I got what I wanted now. But.. I have an even greater decision to make. I fear of making choices now. I fear that there will be loads of problems. I fear so many things that... I don't know which is the right way. My heart has an answer, my brain has an answer. Both contradicting.. both with so many supporting reasons.

I know life is never smooth sailing..
But I hope I will come to a point where I can confidently tell everyone my decision.meanwhile, I will just hide under my blankets and virtually list down the things I want. My goals and my vision.

Like I've always known what I wanted, I still want to be. But prior to knowing what I want, I always spend a tread deal of time contemplating about it. I am waiting for that time to come.